Notsoskinny's Offical Blog: Country Music

Why Jesus was an Aussie

# He wore thongs.

# Jesus was a chippy, who like all good union members didn't work on sundays mate.

# His favourite past times were fishing, camping, going 4-wheel donkeying and most of his mates were fishermen.

# He was a ripper surfer as it was like he could walk on water.

# He did a mean BBQ crikey 5000 people rock up, no wuckers throw a few fresh caught fish on the barbie, some buns and a bit of mum's potato salad ( fairdinkum it's in the Gospel of Thomas, trust me) and Bob's your uncle.

# No one is exactly sure where he was earning his quid from but he had a mate in the Tax office so it was all sweet.

# And to top it all off, he turned water into alcohol and if that isn't an Australian miracle I don't know what is!

What Aussies understand

# You know the meaning of the word 'girt'

# You know that certain words must, by law, be shouted out during any rendition of the Angels' song Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again

# You understand that 'excuse me' can sound rude, while 'scuse me' is always polite

# You believe, as an article of faith, that the confectionary known as the Wagon Wheel has become smaller with every passing year

# When working on a bar, you understand male customers will feel the need to offer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer

# You can translate: 'Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way to Maccas'

# You believe the phrase 'smart casual' refers to a pair of black tracky-daks, suitably laundered

# You still think of Kylie as 'that sheilah off Neighbours'

Beaut 12th man quotes mate!

Tony Greig: "The Australians are looking very sharp in there Canary Yellow"
Bill Lawry: "Canary Yellow! That's Australian Gold my friend and don't you f#@*ing forget it! Canary Yellow indeed..."

Richie Benaud:"Rubish Binny was left out, but, no one collected him".

Bill Lawery: "Gottim! Yes! You're out! That f#%ked his average, tony!"

Bill Lawery: "Grahemy Labrooy? his names Graeme Max..."
Max Walker:"Yes, well all his team mates have such long and complicated names. Seems a shame for this young man to miss out. I think i'll just go on calling him Grahemy".
Bill Lawery:"Jeez you're f#@ked in the head sometimes Max".

Richie Benaud:"Imran Khan was left out of this Pakistan side, as his name was just a little bit to hard to take the piss out of".

Bill Lawery:"I dunno, seems like there's something wrong with Muhanoma Rod?"
Tony Greig:"Aaaa i don't think so Bill, seems like a pretty appropriate place for it".

Famous Quotes

"My cousins gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section"
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

About aussie blokes

# There is no food that cannot be improved by the application of tomato sauce.

# Whether it’s the opening of Parliament, or the launch of a new art gallery,there is no Australian event that cannot be improved by a sausage sizzle.

# If the guy next to you is swearing like a wharfie he’s probably a media billionaire. Or on the other hand, he may be a wharfie.

# On the beach, all Australians hide their keys and wallets by placing them inside their sandshoes. No thief has ever worked this out.

# Industrial design knows of no article more useful than the plastic milk crate.

# It is proper to refer to your best friend as “a total bastard”. By contrast, your worst enemy is “a bit of a bastard”.

# Historians believe the widespread use of the word “mate” can be traced to the harsh conditions on the Australian frontier in the 1890s, and the development of a code of mutual aid, or “mateship”. Alternatively, Australians may just be really hopeless with names.

# The wise man chooses a partner who is attractive not only to himself, but to the mosquitoes.

# If it can’t be fixed with pantyhose and fencing wire, it’s not worth fixing.

# Unless ethnic or a Pom, you are not permitted to sit down in your front yard, or on your front porch. Pottering about, gardening or leaning on the fence is acceptable. Just don’t sit. That’s what backyards are for.

# On picnics, the Esky is always too small, creating a food versus grog battle that can only ever be resolved by leaving the salad at home.

Rick 'THE LEGEND' Disnick

“Rick, thanks for talking to us on the Wired World of Sports. Mate, you really ploughed into that vaulting horse #@?ken’ hard. Can I start by asking you, how badly were you hurt?”

“eeeeeeegh (long inspiratory wheeze). Well Darrell, I crushed my larynx,”

“right”

“I broke my jaw, and all of my ribs.”

‘”right, yeah”

“both of my lungs were punctured,”

“ha ha, yeah”

“eeeeeeegh, I ruptured my spleen”

“Gee”

“and……. I also suffered some minor bruising to my body.”

“Rick, what actually went wrong with your run up to the vault, did one of your sandshoe’s blowout as many people believe, or did you just @#?k up?”

“eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeegh. No Darrell. I just @#?ked up.”

“Mate, you’ve got to admit you did look like a bit of an idiot that day. Did you feel pretty stupid when it happened?”

“eeeeeeeeegh. No I didn’t feel anything, Darrell. And I haven’t been able to feel anything since.”

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